


Time And Tide

by zzoaozz



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2013-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-09 19:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzoaozz/pseuds/zzoaozz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a long and happy life, Rin passes away.  How will Sesshoumaru cope with the loss of the only one he ever actually loved.   Inuyasha and Kouga are determined to keep him from giving up on life himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Picture of Me Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by a list I found on the net, of the saddest songs of all times. I listened to several and decided to build a fic around the emotions in the songs. It is not a true song-fic though because the song is not in any way integral to the plot. I will post the verse from each song at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I also dedicate this work to the late, great George Jones who had five or more of the songs on that list and was my grandmother's favorite singer. You may have passed on, but your legend will live forever.

Imagine a world where no music was playing  
And think of a church with nobody praying  
Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?  
Then you've seen a picture of me without you

Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing  
Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing  
If you've seen a red rose unkissed by the dew  
Then you've seen a picture of me without you

-A picture of Me Without You-  
by George Jones

 

 

Sesshoumaru stood brushing the dirt from his clothes. The strange wide legged trousers of this age seemed to attract dirt worse than ever his white silks had.He stared vaguely down at the black velvet not really thinking. A few white petals clung to his pants and the loose white silk shirt he wore. They stuck in his long silver hair as well. Rin had loved to brush them out for him, but this time he would have to do it himself. 

His restless golden eyes scanned the area around his castle. There were only a few flowers left on the cherry trees, they were turning green now as spring slid into warmer weather. She loved spring best, he was glad she had lived to see it, glad they had come here early from his winter citadel to see the cherry trees bloom. His eyes moved back down to the neat mound of earth under the oldest of the cherry trees. Jaken had planted the surface over with wildflowers. He had not ordered it, the small demon had done it on his own. He turned his back on the grave and started. He had not smelled his brother or heard him and he was less than ten feet away from his. He cursed himself mentally. Inuyasha did not seem to be aggressive though. He was just standing there looking at him with golden eyes so much like his own. Those eyes were full of some expression he did not know. His red silk shirt was pristine in the spring sunlight making his white hair shine all the more. He too wore black trousers, as if they had consciously chosen to match. Inuyasha had taken to wearing Tessaiga in a sheath over his back modern style. Sesshoumaru still wore his swords slung around his hips. His left arm had regrown, but it would be another decade or two before it was as sound as his right. The occasional shooting pain was always there to remind him of that. 

"Sorry about Rin, she was a sweet kid and a beautiful lady, so much like Kagome." Inuyasha's voice was oddly subdued. 

Sesshoumaru recalled that the hanyou's mate had died as well. She was human too, like his little Rin. She had died younger than Rin in childbirth taking Inuyasha's unborn child with her. He had heard about it through the youkai grapevine and had slipped away from his adoptive daughter and faithful servant to travel to the graveside. Inuyasha had looked up at him with tear streaked eyes then turned away. He had simply turned on his heels and returned home. 

"Hai, she was... not like other humans." His own voice sounded hollow in his ears. 

For the first time in all his centuries he felt the weight of his age and the shadow of the eternity he had yet to live seemed to chill his blood. An eternity without childish laughter or bouquets of weeds or a helpless human to protect. It seemed to much effort to breathe now and he ached, especially his eyes. 

It was the look of shock on Inuyasha's face that made him reach up numbly to touch the trail of moisture trailing down his cheek. He looked impassively at the salty smelling droplet that came away on his clawed finger. 

"I didn't know you could cry." Inuyasha's voice was odd, like his eyes, full of something that made him almost welcome his presence. 

"I don't cry." His voice was a mere whisper. 

Inuyasha stepped closer reaching out and wiping the tears from his eyes. "You don't usually lie either, but here you stand doing both." 

The older demon turned his face away. He was very aware of his brother's proximity, the heat of his body, the smell that was more like his father's than his own was if he were to be honest with himself. 

"Hmm, people might get the idea you two don't hate each other if you keep that up," a teasing voice floated over the small courtyard. 

Sesshoumaru turned to look at the wolf youkai not missing Inuyasha's flash of annoyance. His empty eyes fixed on the odd, sky blue ones of the younger youkai. 

"Yo, Sesshoumaru, I came to say sorry 'bout the girl. She was alright I'm gonna miss her, you know." 

Sesshoumaru blinked at that remark, but he did believe the wolf. Rin had gotten over her fear of wolves years ago and had become fast friends with his two idiotic packmates. In fact Ginta had been her only lover. He doubted that anyone else knew that. They had been very discreet. Only his preternaturally sharp senses had tipped him off. Rin would never leave him for any mate, human or otherwise. Her innocent heart was his alone, so he had not begrudged the two the pleasure they could find in each other. In the end, Ginta had married a wolf female for the good of the pack and they had ended their affair. He had since lost track of the wolves. 

Kouga sauntered forward and knelt beside the grave. His brown leather clothing, cut like a human trapper's, creaked loudly in the silence. He dropped an amulet on the fresh earth between two clumps of daisies. It was wolf teeth strung together and in the center of it, a delicate carved flower of some sort of polished bone. 

"It's from Ginta. He wanted to come, but his youngest got poisoned by a moth and he didn't dare leave him. He made me promise to bring this and see how you were holding up. I didn't expect to find you crying on Dog Crap's shoulder." 

"This Sesshoumaru does not cry," his voice was hard and cold as ice. 

"Can't you ever keep you fucking mouth shut, Wimpy Wolf?" 

Sesshoumaru winced as Inuyasha's voice rose in volume. His head was starting to hurt. 

"Not 'cause you tell me to, asshole." 

He tried to tune out their exchanged insults. It was hard to do when he could not seem to concentrate and his ears were ringing and the smell of flowers was suffocating him. He closed his eyes trying to shake the feeling that he was floating somewhere outside himself. His eyes flew open as he felt hands touching him. 

He blinked owlishly. Kouga was touching him, he was holding him in fact and he was leaning heavily against a leatherclad chest. Inuyasha was in front of him, eyes wide and worried. 'Worried? Is he worried about me? Why?' his mind questioned . 

"Why?" he heard himself ask aloud. 

"Why what?" Inuyasha asked. "You don't look good, Sesshoumaru. Maybe you should lie down." 

"Lie down? Why would I do that?" 

Kouga's voice spoke up beside his ear, "You went all pale and glowing and we could almost see through you." 

"You were losing your hold on your form," Inuyasha added, "you haven't done that since we were pups." 

"I'm fine." He was lying again. "Leave me alone." 

"No." Two voices replied at once. 

Inuyasha and Kouga glared at each other and he laughed. Two voices gasped at the same time and he laughed harder, the light silvery sound taking on a hysterical edge then changing abruptly into an animal whine of pain and loss. He blinked in disbelief as the keening tore its way from his throat. 

Both of the other canines reacted to it immediately. Kouga's supporting grasp turned into a protective hug. Inuyasha slipped his arms around his waist and pressed close to him so that he was sandwiched between them. His head drooped onto his brother's shoulder as he felt Kouga's rough tongue began gently grooming his neck. 

'Why are they comforting me? Why do they care? What the hell is wrong with me?' 

"Why?" he asked again, his voice muffled against Inuyasha's shoulder. 

"She was only human. It was her time. You gave her a long, good life," Inuyasha soothed. 

'That wasn't the right why was it? Is that what Iwas asking? Rin, my Rin, my little flower fading with the spring. Inuyasha's shirt is wet, or is it my face?' 

From a distance he heard Kouga's voice, soft and compassionate, "he's in worse shape than you were," and Inuyasha's answer, " I've lost people I loved before, he's never even loved before." 

He bared his teeth wanting to growl and lash out, but he just didn't have the heart because he knew that the truth was that they were right. Still, he was Sesshoumaru, the killing perfection, the flawless death, inu-taiyoukai of the western lands. He stood up straight, shaking off their hands. 

"I need to..." he hesitated not sure what exactly he needed to do... "to take a bath." 'Now that was lame,' his mind hissed back. 

"Huh? Well okay, come on, I'll give you a hand." 

He glared at the wolf youkai, "I do not need help. I have been able to bathe myself for a few years now." 

Evidently, the sarcasm was lost because the wolf youkai shrugged. "It's nothing, come on big dog." 

He was being pulled toward the mansion with the wolf youkai on one side and the hanyou on the other, and he was just to numb inside to protest.


	2. You Needed Me

you held my hand when it was cold  
when I was lost, you took me home  
you gave me hope, when I was at the end  
and turned my lies, back into truth again  
you even called me friend  
you gave me strength to stand along again  
to face the world, out on my own again 

\- You Needed Me-  
by Anne Murray

 

 

Sesshoumaru slipped into his silk yukatta trying to ignore the way Inuyasha and Kouga were watching him like he might fall apart or disappear or something. 

"Stop it," he snapped. 

They both ignored him staring with blank looks and that made him want to rip their heads off. "Why are you here?" 

"Because." Inuyasha replied vaguely. 

"That's no answer," he snarled. 

"You go make him some soup or something, dog crap. I'll tuck him into bed." 

"You'll what?" he glowered at Kouga. 

"Okay. Don't get him all worked up again though. The bathhouse is trashed." 

His eyes flushed scarlet in anger at being treated like a child. 

"Aa, aa, I know. I won't." 

Inuyasha took off padding through his den like he owned the place. And then, to add insult to injury the wolf youkai stepped up and placed his hands on his shoulders guiding him down to his own raised and canopied bed. 

"Lie down big dog and don't think too much. You think way too much you know." 

"I do not need to lie down." His eyes narrowed dangerously. 

"Shh now, I'll lay down with you." 

"WHAT?" 

"Shh, Sesshoumaru, just relax. I'm here." He heard the creak as the youkai's weight descended on the bed beside him. He was shocked speechless as the tanned arms crept around him holding him close as if they were packmates. 

"What the Hell is happening." 

"Sleep," Kouga soothed. 

He wanted to protest but suddenly he was tired, exhausted and Kouga was warm and smelled good and his mind was just too tired to fight anymore. He drifted off to a troubled sleep. 

They woke him up at some point to press a mug of hot soup into his hands and he drank it down leaning against Kouga's shoulder then sinking back down into his arms to sleep away the loss and emptiness inside of his heart.


	3. Honey

Now my life's an empty stage   
Where Honey lived and Honey played   
And love grew up   
And a small cloud passes overhead   
And cries down on the flower bed That Honey loved

 

-Honey-  
by Bobby Goldsboro 

Time passed in skips and jumps for the demon lord almost like a fever dream. Through it all Jaken, Inuyasha and Kouga were there hovering over him like carrion birds. He would wake up to find them urging him to eat or drink like a child. They acted as though he were fragile dressing and grooming him like a doll. They snatched up things that Rin had left behind and hid them from him. Other things disappeared as well, like his knives and daggers right after he spent hours or was it days honing them to razor sharpness. Not even in the bath did he have peace. They would appear when they decided he had been in long enough with warm towels and warm clothes and their annoying prattle. When his apathy blossomed into fury, they ducked his attacks and rescued the furniture and priceless art when possible. Then when he subsided, drained and empty, they were at it again, talking, always talking, arguing back and forth and saying nothing. He wished them away, wished them mute, wished them dead and torn into bloody little lumps, but to no avail. He would have to kill them himself and that was just too much effort. 

Time passed, seasons changed, and the sharp edge of grief and loss wore away as it tended to do. His memories faded to the sepia tones of nostalgia and were more and more flashbacks of happy times together rather than the slow decline of normal aging. Bit by bit, the being that was Sesshoumaru reclaimed the territory of his own mind, melting away the icy winter that had shut it down. 

He woke with the dawn and dressed himself silently as he was certain one of the three was sleeping outside his door. After the first night, he had bodily carried Kouga out of his bed and dumped him unceremoniously on his rear in the hallway before slamming the bedroom door behind him and locking it. He slipped out onto his balcony, a silver ghost in a world of grey fog as he rose over the rail and levitated down into the garden. A cold, misty rain fell steadily carrying the autumn leaves down to the muddy ground. His boots squelched as he walked over to Rin's favorite bench and sat down. 

She had loved the garden in all it's forms, even like this, dying as winter crept into the valley. He turned his face up into the cold spray looking at the low scudding clouds. The wind was raw and smelled of an approaching storm. He stretched his senses catching the distant sound of thunder, the frantic movement of worms beneath the soil driven to manic activity by the rain's vibration, the creaks and groans of the trees, and the scurrying of small animals and insects in the skeletons of summer's flowers. He sat there and thought of her for the first time clearly then he set the memories aside into a safe and private place where he could recall them but not dwell upon them. It was time to live again. 

He heard footsteps behind him and spoke without looking, "you two should wear shoes, an enemy could hear you a mile away." 

Inuyasha snorted, "I never did understand how you could stand those things, Kagome wouldn't go outside without them either." 

Kouga just snorted and plopped down beside him on the right forcing Inuyasha to sit on the left side where a steady trickle fell from an overhanging branch onto the back of his neck. "Why are you sitting out here in the rain?" 

"Why are you questioning this Sesshoumaru's actions?" 

"Hmph, is he back? That sounds almost like the snobby asshole we know." 

He cut his eyes to his brother. "I am not amused." 

"Yeah, you may be right." Kouga smirked when the death glare moved to him. "Did you know you two both smell like wet dog?" A second golden eyed glare joined the first causing the expression to broaden into a toothy grin that irritated the demon lord to no end. 

"When are you two leaving?" 

"Aw, he doesn't love us, dog crap." 

"Who would ever love you, wimpy wolf." 

"Oh what a snappy comeback," Kouga sniffed. "I'd kick your ass if it weren't all wet and nasty." 

"Yeah, you'd like to kick my ass, you pervert. I saw the way you were looking at Sesshoumaru in the bath." 

"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"You were ogling his rear. You're a bigger pervert than Miroku." 

"I am not, you jerk! Why would I care how Sesshoumaru's ass looks? You're insane!" 

Inuyasha's shouted reply and Kouga's growl were both stopped dead by Sesshoumaru's calm comment. "I have a very nice ass, I've been told." 

"Huh?" Inuyasha stuttered, "You do?" 

"Who was looking?" Kouga asked a little too sharply. 

Sesshoumaru actually allowed himself a small smirk of his own, "I'm almost six hundred years old, did you think I was a vestal virgin?" He was rewarded with a crimson flush that spread across two sets of cheeks. His spirits were rising out of the morass they had been in so he took it another step, "If I haven't tried it, it probably isn't physically possible." 

"Uhh... mmm... so..." 

"So tell us the good stuff," Kouga cut Inuyasha's stumbling words off and leaned toward Sesshoumaru. 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"You're both too young..." 

"Hey!" both began to protest. 

"And annoying..." 

"We are not!" 

"And stupid." 

"He is but I am not!" they chimed together then glared at each other. 

Sesshoumaru shook his head and stood up. He had not thought about it when he dressed and wore a simple white silk yukatta which had gotten thoroughly wet and clung to him as he stood as tightly as a second skin affording both males sitting on the bench a fairly good impression of the ass in question. His hope that they had not noticed before he was able to detach the clingy material was shattered when Kouga growled appreciatively and Inuyasha chuckled. 

"When are you two leaving?" He was not surprised when the only answer he got was a pair of wicked laughs.


	4. Every Time Two Fools Collide

You want things your way and I want them mine  
And now we don't know just where to draw the line  
How can love survive if we keep choosing sides  
And who picks up the pieces every time two fools collide

You lay the blame on me and I put the blame on you  
But why do we keep finding fault in everything we do  
And how long can we keep righting wrongs so cut and dry  
And who picks up the pieces every time two fools collide 

-Everytime Two Fools Collide -   
By Kenny Rogers & Dottie West 

 

 

Sesshoumaru raised his head as he heard Inuyasha enter but did not turn to face his brother. His eyes were narrowed, his jaw set, his back so stiff that a low ache had begun in his neck. He said nothing just ground his teeth waiting for the inevitable tirade from the younger dog demon. 'Why the hell do they have to talk all the time, talk about this, talk about that, feel this, feel that, damn them both. Leave me alone, go away.' His hands curled into fists as Inuyasha walked around to face him. He was entirely too stupid to pick up on the body posture that had sent Jaken scurrying for cover only a few minutes ago. 

"Well?"

"What do you mean 'well'?" Sesshoumaru snapped. 

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"How about get out!" He winced as his own voice sounded like a petulant child. 

"I am seriously considering it and dragging Kouga out by the hair of his head when I go!" 

Icewater flowed over him freezing the smoldering anger before it got anymore out of control. "Kouga?" 

"Oh so you do listen to some things, huh? Just how long do you think I'm going to sit here watching you go back and forth between leading him on and treating him like shit?" his voice softened, "He deserves better than that, you know he does." 

Leading him on? Treating him like shit? Had he been doing those things? His brow creased as he tried to recall specific instances of either. 

"What are you thinking?" 

He started a little at the question. 

"He came here to help you, you know? Not to gain anything. He's not trying to use you or change you or anything like that, he ain't the type."

"I know that." 

"So why are you playing mind games with him?" 

"I didn't realize I was." 

"Huh? What's wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" 

"You're the one who's supposed to be so smart and noble and everything but here lately you aren't paying attention to anything or anyone. Do you have any clue what is going on in your lands? How could you? You don't even know what's going on under your nose! One day you are your old self, the next day you act like a ghost already dead and buried."

He bristled and growled but Inuyasha only leaned closer poking a finger into the center of his chest above his breastbone. "Rin is dead. She is gone. Buried under the cherry trees. You are alive. Understand?"

He surged to his feet sending his chair tumbling backward. His vision flashed over to red and the growl became a visceral snarl. 

Inuyasha snatched his hand back but still did not back down. "Listen to me, because everyone else is afraid to say this to your face!" He pronounced each word clearly and distinctly, "For some reason, Kouga is still here, but keep it up and he'll walk then you will really be alone, for good!" He suddenly smirked, "and I'll tell you this, asshole brother of mine, if you let him go, I'll be right there to pick up the pieces and make him happy." 

Sesshoumaru stood stunned. His heart seemed to struggle just to beat. His voice was a bare whisper, "what?" 

"You heard me. I'm not saying it again. I'm not talking to you anymore. It's almost harvest so I'm heading out back to the village in three days. It's up to you if I leave alone."

"But you and Kouga, the fighting and arguing?" 

"What we do is between us. Don't worry about it." 

"I- I didn't?" He trailed off frowning and looked past a red clad shoulder to the shadows of the library. 

He was not sure when exactly he moved but it would have been a toss up as to which of the brothers was more surprised when he buried his face against Inuyasha's neck and clasped his upper arms almost desperately. 

"Sesshoumaru?"

He did not answer just clung to him whispering, "Do not?" 

"What?" Inuyasha whispered back in a strange almost dreamy voice. 

"-Let go." 

"Don't let go? Of you?" Inuyasha was puzzled. 

He laughed softly causing the hanyou to jump. "Do you -love- him?"

"Who? Kouga?"

"No Jaken, of course Kouga." He chuckled again still not moving his face from the warm skin to which it was pressed.

"What does it matter?"

"Yes." 

"I didn't say that. What are you doing?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you holding me?"

"I don't know." 

"Do you love him?"

"Kouga?" 

"No, Jaken. Of course Kouga," he threw Sesshoumaru's mocking tone back at him perfectly. 

"I don't want to." 

"To love him? Why?" 

"It hurts." 

"Since when are you afraid to hurt?" 

"He'll die." 

"He's a youkai, he'll live a long time. He's younger than you." 

He frowned nuzzling against the long neck grazing his teeth over the warm skin and ignoring the startled gasp. Inuyasha just did not understand. It was the ones he loved who hurt, they did not just get hurt they died, mother, father, the girl with the flute, Rin? though Rin had not died like the others, not because of him, just age, old age, nothing else.

"Stop, Sesshoumaru, stop." Inuyasha's voice was thick and more than a little disturbed. 

He lifted his head seeing the track of bruises along the line of his jugular. He was hard. He was standing here chewing on his half brother's neck pressing his arousal into his thigh and slowly backing him up into the door where, oh shit, Kouga was standing staring at them in shock. He saw aqua eyes cloud over for a moment then grow cold and distant. His senses narrowed to the younger man, the scent of anger and hurt radiating off of him striking him like a fist. He saw the muscles move beneath the skin and lunged pushing Inuyasha back behind him as he caught Kouga sinking his claws into the fur cuff around his wrist. Kouga was brought up short and stumbled, cursing violently. Sesshoumaru held onto the wolf youkai ignoring the barrage of powerful kicks and the vicious snarled curses as he dragged him to him. He brought both of them to the floor with his greater weight, pinning Kouga beneath him with his power.

"Shh," he murmurred against a pointed ear. 

"Don't you fucking shh me you son of a bitch, I'll-" Sesshoumaru's hand clamped over his mouth. 

"Inuyasha, come here!"

"Let go of Kouga, what are you doing?"

"Shut up and come here," He added a stilted, "please."

Grudgingly, Inuyasha came over and knelt beside him. He immediately reached for Kouga smoothing the bangs back from his blazing eyes. The wolf was flat on his stomach with the elder youkai stretched over his back, with a hand clamped over his mouth and another drawing rivulets of blood from his right arm. He was not a happy boy and his eyes promised murder. 

"Kouga, be still, just for a little while. I'll explain what you saw, to both of you, just give me a chance." He took his hand away.

"Let. Me. Up." Each word was as venomous as the poison in his fangs. 

Sesshoumaru stood and pulled Kouga up with him, setting him on his feet. He was not overly surprised when his efforts earned him a staggering blow to the stomach. He weathered the pain and straightened with a grunt running his hands through his sweaty hair. He gave Inuyasha a glare when his brother stepped up behind Kouga and dropped a hand on his shoulder squeezing it firmly. 

"Kouga, Inuyasha, I?" What? What should he say? How could he explain what he did not understand. "These, emotions, I do not know how to keep them separate. I did not mean to treat you poorly, Kouga. I did not mean to," he flushed, "do that to you Inuyasha. I was thinking about what you said, about losing Kouga and about Rin being dead and me alive and never realized whar I was doing. I am losing my mind."

 

He spoke firmly and decisively, "It would be best if you both leave, get away and if I follow you, run."

 

Inuyasha blinked at him, " what are you talking about?"

"Just leave. It's safest." 

"Damn you, are you just giving up?" Inuyasha was shocked. 

"No, but I can't fight if you morons are in danger the entire time. Hell, Inuyasha, what would have happened if Kouga had not walked in and I had not come to my senses?" 

Inuyasha shrugged, "I could have handled you." 

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and counted ten. 

"You didn't seriously want to paw over him when you could have been pawing over me, did you?" Kouga's voice was playful, almost teasing but he could hear the sharp edge beneath the words. 

Sesshoumaru lowered his head as he fought the urge to punch the wall. "Kouga,, take Inuyasha up on his offer and leave with him. Better to be happy with him than wait here until I snap and destroy you."

"Huh? What offer?" mingled with Inuyasha's "Shut up!"

He raised a hand to his temple and shook his head, his vision should be clearing. "I am..." 'dangerous, sorry' "serious" was what came out.

"So am I." Kouga's jaw was clenched, his chin up. "Stupid dogs, quit thinking yourself to death. And don't you dare even think about touching each other like that again or I'll kick both of your scrawny little butts."

"Kouga," Sesshoumaru reached out to him running the pads of his fingers over a long, tanned neck. His claws were so close to the warm flesh, but to pierce it, to hear the hiss of poison, smell the burning of skin, watch it blacken beneath his pale hand, that would be a sin even he could never shrug off. 

"Both of you, stay until winter."

"Why?" Kouga's question was quiet, Inuyasha's suspicious.

"Because, I asked."

Both nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

I meant to do that  
Does that mean a thing  
If you wanted songs  
Then I meant to sing  
I'd give you the world  
If you'd give mine back  
What I didn't do  
I meant to do that

"I Meant To Do That" - Paul Brandt

Sesshoumaru stood thoughtfully in the doorway. They were gone. Silence had descended on his domain once more. He should be pleased. Should. He had no idea why he felt so heavy and alone. His eyes moved to Jaken who was busily putting everything back into its proper place. Jaken seemed to sense his scrutiny and worked faster small arms and legs almost a blur. He sighed and headed out into the snow shrouded garden. 

The bench sat alone in the white silence, cold and lonely looking. As he sat down in the center, the two empty spaces on either side of him seemed to accuse him. His eyes shifted to his right, then left and he stretched his senses. No scent of dog or wolf, no sound of arguing voices. Just silence and the sad sighing of the wind. He raised a slender hand and ran it through his hair thoughtfully. Could it be he missed them? No that was not possible. 

They would have stayed had he asked. They would have stayed had he not told them to get out before he killed them both. He had meant it at the time. He could have sent a message to one or both of them. He could have simply gone to where they were. He could have, but he did not. 

He watched a fat clot of snow fall from a tree branch and land heavily on the ground under it. The indention it made quickly filled with fresh snow, It was white and pure and covered everything smoothing it out, creating simplicity from complexity, erasing definition and tradition. Grief was a lot like snow, he thought. You were buried under it, silent and still, only half alive waiting for something or someone or some point of passing time to bring the sun and thaw you out. Even so, the grief like the snow served a purpose, blurring the harsh lines, freezing the bleeding wounds, imposing a quiet time when things deep inside could begin to heal and strengthen their resolve to grow again when the thaw did at last come. He stood up and seemed to shimmer and flow until he became a sphere of pure silver light. He rose tinting the falling snow pink with his reflected light as he rose up through the steady flurry. 

Inuyasha's home was in a temple. He tended it and kept it in perfect repair. The God tree stood in the center of its clearing. Once Inuyasha had been pinned to that very tree by the arrow of one he loved above himself. Sesshoumaru's radiance lit the trunk and the string of blessings tied around it as he shifted back to human form. He walked silently as the falling snow across the courtyard to the strange looking house he had built. It was his mate's design, he was sure. All straight lines and solid, apart from nature and the world around it. He found it disconcerting, but Inuyasha found comfort in it and even he could feel the miko's presence in every leaf of every tree and in every object on the holy ground. 

He touched the door and was surprised when it swung open. Careless. He walked inside senses alert for any sound that should not be present. He found Inuyasha's deep, even breathing and the steady beating of his heart. He was asleep. He looked in on his brother and watched him for a long time. He shut the door quietly and withdrew to the kitchen.

He found paper on a strange raised table attached to the wall itself. There was no sign of a quill or inkwell, but he did find a stick of wood with what looked like a tip of charcoal or something like it in the center. He tried it experimentally and found it marked nicely on the paper. He wrote a polite thank you letter that would probably have Inuyasha in shock. He expressed his sincere wish to have his brother in his life and make up for all the years they had wasted. He signed it with a flourish then read it back to himself. He nodded as he finished it, it said everything he wanted to say. He crumpled it firmly in his fist burning it away into a fine ash in seconds. his hand opened languidly and he blew across the palm sending the ash flying and dancing through the still air. 

Before he walked out the door, he took a clean sheet of paper and wrote "Lock your door. Sesshoumaru."


End file.
